Note to Self: Jen please read
Hi how are you? Well...I'm writing this to you on September 30th 2005. Just so you don't forget..today was pretty rough. One more employee took the mass exodus cue and left you hanging. You knew it was coming. You had a good idea. And you handled it.
About an hour ago...you felt that ribbon of anxiety ripple in your stomach and I thought it would be a good time to sit down and write you a little note.
Today...that thought you had...that was the greatest revelation of your entire life. You came to a great revelation about how you Think.
"It's hard..to imagine where I am going when I feel like the world is in so much trouble...every aspiration..or desire..feels shallow.."
But about eight hours before that you had this to say,
"For the first time in my life...I can see clearly How i want to Live my life...and I know what I need to do to get there."
what you need to do is work hard and stay focused. Sacrifice. Open Up. Reach out. Take a chance. Where that fits in with your existentialist eschatology.....i have no idea(yesterday over laundry:"the only thing that god gave us that he/she didn't give the animals or angels is our free will...the only gift we have..the only power we have...is Choice..people chose badly" :) To tell you that you have come so far and survived things...well you never think of it that way..you don't give yourself any credit for hanging on..for choosing life. OK..so you kept the bar pretty low for yourself..you know what I mean....you know how close you've been...and you are still here.
By the grace of god is your mantra. So Jen. a year from now,even if you still saunter through life in your black clothes and your search for peace(and meaning meaning meaning), I hope you are doing it with some truly realized desires.
I hope that in a year from now you have forgiven yourself and the world for being vulnerable and imperfect.
I hope that you lean on me when times get tough. I hope you call your friends when you need some encouragement. I hope you live.
Jennifer...Be Alive.
Be Alive.
I really do love you
peace
jen
