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Retrovertigo---Im dizzy all over again. this is what you were afraid of. the weakness. the desire that doesn't match the logic. the nuance that I keep from happening. the goodbye that you knew was devoid of feeling.
today. I waited until you drove away...until your rental was out of sight: and I cried quietly...just clean..soft tears..that hurt..all the way down.
people are always accusing me of laughing too much. crying too often. Im always the criminal: because I never get it right.
this old wound. this scar. this vile and glorious tattoo. this you. this you to me.
will it...seeing you makes it pulsate..
seeing you, smelling you, tasting you,
"can you handle this?"
you kept whispering...the last time you saw me...I was broken...I was in fact...only mummified dust...
the whole,risen body, here and alive in the next life...wishes that my tomb raiders would have left me a picture map of how it feels to say goodbye to you.
nothing would have kept me from you B.
distance barrier broken
you see me with the extra 40 lbs
you hear me with the extra dose of class or was it just a sense of self that comes with being...
38 years old.
so many things embarras me about myself.
I will be able to keep going long after this weary cold morning becomes a decade in the past
this life or next: I don't want to pass into any tomorrow wishing I had been exactly the person that you
need.
Retrovertigo--Im dizzy again--its retroactive radioactive unrequited love= wish I could say gimme gimme..just like you do...so ever fucking easily.
dance along the stream of electricity that is your amazing cluttered sexed up confused rockstar life--call our first night in 12 years a disappointment to your mistresses...or maybe your live in..
Retrovertigo--Im spinning and crawling ---this you--this you to me--this glorious tattoo--is pulsating...
