Tales of the Tyrant

hi. how's things? I have stuff to talk about...but it seems trite. did you read beagle47 this morning?? It moved me beyond what I had expected..so early...but yet didn't stick like glue...I had a self indulgent morning. If you have ever worked with the public you know you need a sense of calm...you need to stay calm at all times..because the Public...that hodge podge of humans that we are all a part of...The Public sometimes comes at you defensively...which is something I know. Not Today.

No today I was graceless. Today I did something I haven't done since I worked in the museum and some angry guy grabbed my hair.....I raised my voice. There are rules you know...basic elements of courtesy that I always observe. What I should have done and what I did do...are extremely different. It was an arguement about returning and money and the like....and I'm sorry but you don't get more cash back then you paid...thats like...basic right?

Which...really isn't even the point. What blew my mind is that I didn't feel apologetic. I felt fine. I was trembeling but it wouldn't be until my next customer that I felt Sorry.

Now my gut is in knots. Now I think I'll be sick. Because if Im turning into the kind of person that displaces her frustration and doesn't feel any remorse for it...then I am very scared.

Im not the right person to be working with people. Im losing my compassion...it used to be so wonderful to help people...Plus size girls and women that felt badly about themselves...I was the person that gave them safe haven....

who the fuck am I to raise my voice to anyone??? Honestly...I should be in the back corner of some building doodling....

and getting paid. Im just immature I guess. I don't have a grown up life....with grown up things and grown up wages. Its my own fault. My life is my fault.

well see now Im just whining. And this brings me back to beagle47. Who wrote about a fellow he met...that was from a foreign country...he had been adopted...worked hard to learn english...went to school...got a job...and oh did I mention he is in a Wheel Chair???

yeah. exactly.

So enough of my garbage.

Enough.

I have a book I'd like to recommend you pick up....forget I ever suggested you read Reefer Madness by Eric Schlosser; this one is much better. Dave Eggers has Edited,for the second time I believe, The Best American Non-Required Reading. Sherman Alexie,Dave Sedaris,Lynda Barry, and James Pinkerton are just a sampling of the authors whose work appears in this great book. If this were a mixed cd...it would be one you listen to when you are all alone and you want to feel good. The one that feeds the need to think... laugh.. and hit repeat.

So Enjoy something. Remember how good you have it. And tell someone you love them.

Peace