one glass of Beringer (ty Pandionna) and the sweetness of words

create. humanity create. god's spinning wheels are a mandate. have you noticed...that we give birth. and we kill. we mop up the blood of the fallen and we grieve. we mop up the blood of the new and we celebrate. We store blood in plastic bags and we raise weapons and we steal it.What if we stopped.

What if we refused to mame and murder...what if greed was finally seen as the great plague of our species. What if. What if we outwitted the cycle as it has been laid down. How was the impulse to destroy born. and when will it's life..cease. Not that we may be glorious but that we may weep only in joy. Is it only that we are animals. and therefore...Reason...Intellect...will Never be able to rise above instinct. Seriously...giving us the ability to Ruminate...has it been a failure???

What is in my mind? My mind sifts the greed that pours from my heart. my heart. my heart. what is it made of. And when in life.. did it lose its importance. There are so many lies going around. You must. You have to. You are. You aren't. All lies.

I mean it when I say I Love you. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. Because it seems like it has no place to go. well.

one more sip of wine will make this all so blurry.

I want you all to know....that you...inspire me. Does it seem stupid to you? that this girl with no idea of how to get an idea looks to you and learns. I open up my Mind. My heart. I learn and I think of your words. I feel like the perpetual child in the corner soaking up every last grown up word.

I love you. Even if my personality is somewhat Nervous. Even if I am constantly bumbeling over myself. I Love you.

(and that was the last of the Beringer..)

I am an intense person. I mean. If you get to know me ..which is difficult...you'll see..I am intense. I seem to feel everything or nothing. I see and sometimes I think I see...and I demand. I demand to myself. Because. I have never given myself the.....I forget what it is that I want.

I. I. I. I. bite my bottom lip when Im stressed out or somehow...holding emotion in. Im easy to...Im easy.

simple. I think Im simple. I don't know anymore. I don't think I let people get very close to me. Even if I love someone so much I would give my life for them.

I love jesus. you know why? he wanted to save the soul of the world. I was taught that truth at a very young age. And I grabbed it. I wanted to be that good of a person.

it doesn't work in this world. you know. There are so many walls. there are so many walls that so easily fit between us and everyone else. or between us and our selves. between us and the truth.

take a minute...take a second and think...fill your emptiness with a love that is so available so abundant...the darkness of the world feels like ...where you were born to be.

I run from scarey things. When I was little...I didn't like going to the nursing home..becaue it made me so sad...

i ran from my tears even then.

someone please explain to me where Im supposed to go if Im afraid of people that need me.

"don't be so hard on yourself."

ok. that is a deal.

Is it possible to be loved despite all that I lack.

my heart. my soul is my greatest wealth.

Is that enough.

Onward. Onward. that is just my ...well...my loneliness talking. And ...well...she needs a voice now and then. Beside her is a gentleness. A seeing all knowing all appreciating gift giver.

a flowing something. a gardener. An open solar system.

Im drama. Im the curtain call. Im the glowing something outside of you.

believe. one more time. one more day that beyond our forces. our illusory forces of control. there is the randomness of what might.

I Love you.

If I had divinity....

If we did Stop. Would darkness be hostless?

I don't think I want this entry to ever end....