rid of you (w/ hadfis huid)

I was going to sit here and write an entry about how no matter how well I think Im doing...someone says to me..."you're 31 right?" "uh yes" "oh I know this guy He is 24 and has his masters degree and his own townhouse and he makes 45k a year...what do you do for a living?" This. After watching a documentary about 5 homeless families...one whose son killed himself...killed himself with his shizophrenia meds...he was 16 years old. One comprising of the Emergency Shelter (hell hole),Two children,and a 30 year old mother on her own in the streets since she was 14;she put herself through business school. either way.I was going to tell you that I feel like shit.

like shit for having a roof over my head. like shit for not having more. like shit for having nothing to show for my life...except a really big ass and lots of books. I was going to tell you that I am a wasted idea.

all of my dreams. all of my aspirations. all of my illusions. are wasted ideas. and they are being sucked down the spiral with me.

so great. I lose 50 lbs. so what. who cares. I still can't be trusted to trust anyone with my heart and soul. so great. I finally get a Real Job and make Real Money. and become A Real Person.

I'll still feel wasted. I want this day this life to complete it self.

I think I want someone to tell me that Im a joke. because at this moment it is all that feels Real.

I'll get over myself.

peace