carnival people
Yesterday: work was incessantly stressfull but over in 7 short hours. Mother's day (evening) was spent with my bro,my dad,my step-mom and her family. Lovely Craziness. My heart goes out to sweet and lovely pandionna and sweet and lovely jendra two awesome diarists that have lost their moms. all my love you two...all my love to you.
I Love my mom..and to combat the heart wrenching stress our relationship entails..I try to remember the positive things I've learned from her. She taught me to read and write before I ever started school,a love for art,music,theater,opera, and good good books. great books. I remember one summer trip to the public library and my brother Jay heads to visit the guinea pig in the children's section and my mom pulls me over to another section and hands me Thoreau and Emerson saying, "if you read one you should read the other..." I was 9. Are you seeing the flowery-ness origins now? :). I am so much the person she was trying so desperately to mold me into. Or maybe she just recognized me. And tried despite her own deep problems to give me something worth holding onto. sigh. one can't really throw the baby out with the bath water all the time..so anyway..
I remember when she handed me her copy of Shakespeare's Sonnets...oh wow..what a find. I relished those stolen moments by her book cases..what a blissfull escape for me. I don't know if I even really know her. I don't know if she feels she has that freedom or even if she is 'mentally present' enough to even begin such a quest.
blah. anyway.
I feel like Im juggling. my life is a circus side show. :) things could be worse. :)
the sun is out and Im due into work until this afternoon. so off with me..
peace
the rodeo clown
