It's easy enough to distinguish between a let down and burst of garbled hope

I dont know where Ive been lately. Its like Ive been posessed by a mean old grumpy monster for the past three days. Yesterday everything was annoying me. cant blame Pele for this one. this one is mysterious and underlying. I think its just boredom.

yeah. I think Im bored. I think I want some wickedness. and I think I want some holiness. I think I want someone to have a conversation with. I think I need a brain makeover. I think I have it all wrong. Everything I tried to do at work today...blew up in my face. It was so embarrassing. just freaking humiliating.

Im guilty and bored. I think thats it. guilty for what? for spending $44 at bath and body works. Im an ass. But I smell good and my skin is soft(vetyver). But. you know. that could have fed me for a week. or my mom for a week...so...sometimes...I sublimate all my other abandoned addictions with wasted trips to the body spray counter or the bookstore....and it will only get me later.

did you know that sometimes my introvertedness is completely misunderstood? did you know that often times people think Im being snobby. and its so the complete opposite. Im like so...totally...protecting myself...from my own negative self perception. I have rosacea...and sometimes when my skin is in bad shape Im especially conscious of it...and I want to dive into the ground. I wish I had a mask to wear..... I avoid looking at anyone..and I never say hello...I just hold my breath and walk away as fast as I can. Its a bad habit. its got to stop. this is me world. this is me...when will I just accept that?

today is one of those days where i feel talentless and lost. blah. boo I say. god you dont know how bad I want to move to san francisco. anyway.

i should start posting my paintings. Im supposed to be getting a previously owned computer (see Used) and a previously owned digital camera ( i love my family)..once I have both well in hand..fahget it..Ill probably be a picture ho. :)

Im glad I stopped to key this in. Im glad you were here to read it.

be well..be groovy :)

Peace