Im only a man in silly red sheet....and Im just trying to find the better part of me...

We all want to move on. get on with it. get out. seek the brighter side of ourselves for the dark has taken over. Im 30 years old. According to the rule book in my mind Im supposed to have an suv...a husband...two kids..a dog and a cat...and a city council seat. Im 30 years old..and I have good people in my life both near and far (thats you lovely diarylanders...)..I have a dog...I have cds..I have books..I have debt..I have a job. I dont think its necessary that I go according to the Rules. I think its important that I dont waste what gifts I do have. I desire....to be fulfilled. that can change daily...that can always be something different...but I think seeking fulfillment is really what we are all doing. we want to feel effective in our own lives. I obsess over why I Cant do things. I try to figure out the dangers before I even begin the journey. Mistakes are well mapped...in the forecast...surrounded by orange cones....and Ive not learned to challenge myself enough...I wont get anywhere this way. I wont grow as a person...Ill be stuck. It makes me feel shame. Im not in a race with anyone...not time. not mental rule books. not my mom. not JL. its not about racing. its about getting out and walking the path that seems the least familiar. Its about believing in dreams...its about believing in joy...in love...in possibility...

"I am a promise. I am a possibility. I am a promise with a capital P. Im a great big bundle of Potentiality..."

-gaithers

that was from a record I listened to alot when I was little. Invest as much love into your life as you would your child's..give yourself every effort. every chance....work hard..and have plenty of playtime.

you are the parent you never had. you are the wisdom you think might only exist in others. You are lovely and valuable.

you are precious....fragile...important.

I want to be the better part of me.

peace

Hugs

Love