bullets of theory bullets of dreams Forgotten are the questions Lost are the seams..

Prelude: argument with my father; he calling me a traitor,guilty of treason,a loather of the military. I,In my defense,claim first amendment rights are being violated.

ActI: crazed gunmen enters rainy dark alley and stumbles loudly therein.

ActII: Me with my Father shooting at said crazed gunmen to no avail. I think I shot him about 7 times before he would die. Ive never really shot anyone in my dreams before ,although, Ive been shot At plenty of times. There was bloody mayhem everywhere: fires,bombs,blood,sweat,rain,metal,groans and my father seemed to grow into a giant..looking on with ferocious dedication to ousting the vile enemy. By the way....the "Enemy" was White. All faceless zombie like white males.

ActIV: No Resolution..but Gounod's romeo and juliet playing in the backround....nice pan shot of the entire scene...my dreams sometimes fade off like films do.

I dont think this dream has any particular meaning. I think it was just one of those "dump" dreams where your subconscious just has too much stored up. I feel so entirely alone in my "liberal" ideology. How on earth was I born to a family that is racist,homophobic,and pro NRA? although I have to say that dream spooked me a little....if we do encounter battle on our own shores..how will the non-military citizen protect themself?

Sorry. I watched cnn this morning. and I shouldnt have.

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something else that is kind of related but not really; a friend of mine K. She has found a great bf. They met online and have been together for about 2 years now. Im very happy for her. But he is racist and anti-gay and the lot. So. Now she is. Can I just say how much that pisses me off? She is living w/ this guy and she pulls her bible out anytime she wants to bash gay people (the gay friends she had before she has since abandoned). This so infuriates me. What is it with people that sacrafice their beliefs just to have a mate? And where does she get off Putting Jesus in the Argument?

floodtide has written a superlative entry today (6 mars 03) wherein he talks about christianity. I was raised in the church,as most of you know by now,and it has proven to be a good foundation. I learned that Love is in infinite supply when you,as floodtide put it so succinctly,submit to it....we foregoe love because we think we have to earn it..in the churches I grew up in...the altar was a place of release.."the laying down of your burden..to let love in" I think that is a beautiful thing..it is something we can all do in our own way...to try and see the beauty that we are. gay straight bi black white poor rich misguided smart shy bold undone done to perfection....I will be alone forever if it means giving up that ideal.

I have such a long story I could tell you but Im not sure if Im ready to or not. Id like to tell someone someday.

I think for your own health you should try to find David Wilcox cds and listen to all of them while cooking,sitting outside,or driving. East Asheville Hardware is a good one to start with.

thus saith the Jen

I feel you all drifting. We are all finally living. and off we go....but not too far from my heart...

Love and Peace