the cause isnt always as clear as the effect
Pele threat level orange is being mixed with my cousin K's meltdown (she just got dumped and the anniversary of her mom's death is coming up)add to that a splash of war, a dash of boylessness..and I think I'll grab my super soaker and head for the tower over there...
here is what has turned up in my hand written journal:
03.17.03
2:10 pm
bookstore corner table
at work one hour early. bought some earrings. I am not wearing green. War starts soon. The Shrub has asked Saddam to leave or else..my fear is that saddam will kill ...mutilate..set on fire..his people before anything ever happens...then what will this be about? I know people sat by while hitler did what he did and that it was wrong...but are we truly saving anyone? are we going to save them?? thats all I want to know. seven children have died of a mysterious illness here in va. I cant help but think its a bio-attack.
Im having a particularly Bad Hair Day and I dont REally Care. Shrek is my favorite love story ever (next to beauty and the beast and dr.zhivago). G called me last night..he left a message ..*I saved it. I've listened to it 10 times (or more) and Im calling him back tonight. the great thing about my schedule and his living out west? It'll be 11 pm here and only 8 there. He seems really really down. wish I wasnt so far away. its hard to really be there for someone just through email or phone calls. cant wait cant wait to talk to him. I hope I dont act dorky. Phone calls erase ambiguities.
Im a dork anyway. I picked up a book about managing. I co-manage a big store and a small staff. a staff of the worst behavoir types ever. but there the book sits..in my purse. I dont want to do this for the rest of my life. but I do want to learn what I can here...and take it with me. I want to do well. I have high standards for myself. and I want to learn and surpass myself. anyway. Im losing two really awesome people for greener pastures and Im pretty bummed and pretty damn fucking jealous. I should be leaving soon. Ive applied for jobs all over california. so far. nothing pays too well. But Ill keep trying. going to massage therapy school is the plan. that is the plan.
Im resisting the urge to call him. Im resisting the urge to spend money on overpriced coffee. my hand is tired from writing.
im a digi-wimp.
peace
