empty car lots
He was in my thoughts every other moment. It was as if by some odd perception of mine...they were meeting still...only in my mind. they are still running through me. unfinished.
I selfishly want them back. back on my screen. teaching me. so the wrestling of their faces and breath wont weigh so heavy on my heart.
say whats what he said to me. Ive never really opened up. maybe once or twice. there are things Im not ready to tell anyone. sometimes I think you dont want to read about all the darkness...
but those two. they spelled it all correctly. it was there. in zeroes and ones. they opened up. they didnt slam the door.
until the moment when haste stole them away.
and the entries. all gone. all of them.
sigh.
I wish I wasnt this way. I wish I was much more ...oh who cares. I think Id be normal if I could be that way...but ...you know..we use that word normal...when involved in self loathsome discourse...as a means of saying...i wish i liked who I am....
and I do. I do. I just dont move on very well.
and I want them to come back. and they will never see this. Because they dont read it anymore. Im needing alot today.
I need you. tonight I need you. I need the hope of a love that seemed to be so perfect (trapdoor). I wanted to see it all work. even though the maps they were using...the maps they shared...were filled with dangerous journeys. I want to fix it all. I want to mend what was broken.
no communication. I want to email them and tell them I miss them but that would be very silly considering the very big things going on in their life.
I miss them. and they were a them. even though on their own they were stunning.
how was my day? smooth and quick.
how is my life going? see Inertia
I need tonight. I need so much I dont think there is enough anywhere.
Peace
