Mama,,,will you take me to the river and baptise my ingratitude

My mom was going to abort me. She and My dad decided they couldnt've handled a handicapped child on top of the problems they allready had (ie: his addiction/women issues and my mom's general emotional/mental/wine issues). My brother J had Rubella (sp?) incredibly bad...and when pregnant women are exposed to infected children the baby in the womb is born with several deformities/health problems.

this was approximately what...june of 1971. Abortion was a debate back then. it was a new word. women were being hacked to death by butchers for 500 dollars or so. alot of money back then.

Another 2 years would pass before it was legal.

My mom has told me that she sat in her car...all alone..pondering adding one more to the crew (im the fourth). she had allready miscarried once..and she believed that she made that happen..because she just couldnt see bringing one more baby into the world.

You have to understand the scene. the pill was still kind of unkown. my mom was a catholic turned charismatic...lots of confusion there..and My father...well..what did he care..he still boasts that he never ever wore condoms. Im getting off track here.

My mom decided she A.thought I was the baby she lost B.that she'd rather face me than a butcher asshole that would just take her money and leave her to die.

I have often forgotten this story. Especially when Im whining about my life. My Life. is based on the bravest choice my mother could have made at the time. that is profound to me. But I wonder if her life would nt have been a tad easier...had she let me go.

I believe in Choice. because I think we should be able to monitor what doctors are doing. I believe in choice because circumstances too difficult to fathom shouldnt be handled by someone else.

I will never judge a woman that sacrifices the life of her child. If you think this is a new cultural practice...well..its been done by humans for centuries. I hate the word fetus. Its a baby. a he or a she. I cant reconcile to call a baby..one cell or one zillion..a thing..a fetus..no I cant do it.

did you know that nuns and monks had tunnels between the monistary and convent...where they would meet to have sex and bury the babies. Yeah. Imagine that.

Pandionna's Entry is so much more articulate than mine. I really encourage you to read it.

And I encourage you to take a moment and be thankful....life is a precious gift...

peace

love