An open Letter to the god I created...

a year ago. you were in nyc. i was at work. i told you i couldnt get the weekend off. I lied. i just couldnt afford it. when you came back. we saw lord of the rings. you hurt my feelings. you and the 20 people you brought with you. i was being presented. and I had no warning. you told me you wouldnt be calling. you said you were an ass. I just walked out crying. a week later I think we went holiday shopping. then there was that night...

Im missing you less. and thats my present to myself. Its hurting less. I can only see myself for what I really am ...not what I wish for...not what I pretend to be...not in the context of where I hide...

but.really.what I am.

so I can only thank god for the experience. I would like to fall in love like that again. well. maybe not exactly like that.

I get bombarded with thoughts of what if. would I be engaged to you now? and would I really want that?

who.are.you.anyway. I never did find out.

so this is my letter to you. for all the times that you hurt me and I continued to let you...I absolve us both.

5 days til christmas and Ive got the weekend off.

so good to be alive.

Peace

i love all of you very much