so why are you running away?

I was watching A&E (yes I am That person) last week...it was about 3am..and a documentary was on about the Victorian Age. Women were enslaved in america during this time...we had no rights at all...we were forced into marriage...raped...beaten...murdered...and not one single perpetrator ever received due consequence. they spoke of a book written by John Stuart Mill called the Sujection of Women. He wrote this book whilst in Love with a woman that was married to a horror of a man. Once the horrid husband died..the two united but it was to be short lived...I believe it was at most 8 years they were together before she died. He wrote this at the beginning of the book: "...Were I but capable of interpreting to the world one half the great thoughts and noble feelings which are buried in her grave. I should be the medium of a greater benefit to it, than is ever likely to arise from anything that I can write, unprompted an unassisted by her all but unrivalled wisdom."

I found the book yesterday. And Yes. I did it. I bought another book. But I have done some holiday shopping so....uhm..its alright...:) The book is Awesome. Its a total of three writings; On Liberty,The Subjection of Women, and Utilitarianism. Its basic but very cool stuff. So if you are in the mood...check it out.

A book I discovered by some strange sequence of web surfing events...is a book written in 1977 called Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television....if this is the book I think this is...My Mother Loved It! She was staunchly Anti tv and she still is...she barely even watches the weather...."what? like I cant step outside?" anyway the book is by Jerry Mander. I did a google search on shizophrenia...and Jerry Mander was quoted as saying that this culture of ours (then/now) thrives on the Un-Real...On the Fantasy...not on The Moment. very zen of him I think. Im going to order it someday and give it a look.

thoughts of JL hit me like rocks covered in velvet sponges...heavy enough to make me cry but not enough to knock me down.

The Essays of Sir Francis Bacon is also something Im curious about reading... I think Ill hit the library on friday...they are bound to have that in stock.

the moon peers down..from with in a pearlessencent shell of clouds..small swirling rainbows spiral off...spiral down...creating three dimensions..while she sits so quietly...just giving light...light to the dark of night.

the moon was so bright last night...you could have read by it. Have i said how much I love Virginia in the winter time?

The Night Sky is at its best.

music...I ve been listening to this old celtic songs cd I havent listened to in Ages upon Ages....its very very nice.

In the news:

I was sick to my stomach thinking of returning to work yesterday. I was sick this morning as I got ready to go to work today. I have to do something. I cant live like this. More Importantly..I cant die like this.

Ive deleted three endings to this entry. My pain is outgrowing its space. My pain is outgrowing its space. I have to open up my heart and let it out...but I dont know how. Peace Love Hugs