mercy street by peter gabriel;paradise.---.Hawaii.Edu
My Aunt was 70. recently laid off from her job and sick..very sick with strep. Everyone thought at first it may have been suicide. Evy kept to herself. It is sort of a thing with me and others in my family: we are the last ones to tell you what is going on...until things have gotten pretty serious. My Grandma G just talked to her on Sunday...they said she sounded odd...no one knows for sure how long she was dead. I watched my father hold tears back...I watched his face get that look..and we all just sat there. phone calls start coming in..and I realize...this is how we react...tearless and quiet. When Nanna Evelyn died...my mom...she..she is an open weeper...and that trait has its blissful place...I think I swallow my emotions because hers have always overwhelmed me...and I don't ever want to do that to someone. Anyway. my mind is racing.
My Aunt Evy will be cremated in Hawaii and brought to NYC for a funeral. She never married. never had children. but she was tremendously loved by many wonderful friends. she was very strong and very honest...she had suffered alot of abuse (as did everyone in my father's family)..she meant what she said and she never placated anyone. No one knew the doctors had grounded her...for years...because of her weight...she had very bad circulation in her legs...we just found out tonight...that all these years.. when she said she didn't want to see anyone...she just Couldn't. this entry is all over the place. Im still waiting for my uncle R to call back with I don't know more info. we still arent sure What caused her death. the hour is such...that my uncles and aunts are sitting alone with their grief...as is the custom...botteling their sorrow in the store houses of their fragile iron gated hearts...
i don't want my heart to disappear.
take good care of yourselves for yourselves...you are all wonderful people...
Love to all
Peace
