Kahlo

I did a collage once. Frida Kahlo was the focal point. something in her eyes reminded me of my mother. I see my mother in ever picture of Frida that I see. Last night I dreamt that Diego Rivera wrote a book. I woke up thinking how great it would be if in fact he had written a book. He has. Its called My Art, My Life and in it he talks about Frida. but even more wonderful..he talks about her art. The Smithsonian Magazine has a great article about the two of them (but mostly frida..):"When she painted, it was for herself. She transcended her pain. ""Kahlo made personal women's experiences serious subjects for art, but because of their intense emotional content, her paintings transcend gender boundaries. Intimate and powerful, they demand that viewers�men and women�be moved by them." Im affected by art. I find that when I paint...I am completely focused. quiet. serene. and I never regret the outcome. Its for me. Its not for anyone else to like or dislike. My mother is a superlative artist. she has such skill...I have always envied it. she is just now beginning to see it as a tool for personal expression. It doesnt matter. there are no rules. not to me there arent. What you feel is what you feel is what you paint.

Looking at pictures of Frida Kahlo is like looking at my mother. There is something in her eyes.

something passionate and alive. my mother sent me a postcard. I have to see her. I have to re-connect. I can feel her anxiety. or is it just my own.

I feel like everyone has gone. like..I took a late afternoon nap...only to find the house emptied. something drastic has changed. my mother has never been this alone. its not good for her. shes always had someone around.

I want relief. I want forgiveness. I want faith in myself.

dear god ....I just need to know that you are still there. I feel fear walking around my house.

Love

Peace

Hugs