you make motion when you cry
The world is spinning as usual at its furious pace..sifting about the experience that is life: right to lifers need to re-examine their death penalty beliefs and michael jackson needs jesus..BAD.
Local Protestors rampaged a liberty tax office because the interest rate on the rapid refund is too high. well...I admire the protestor's fervor..and Im always for people storming the castle..but there really wasnt any reason to bite anyone...even if she was a tax collector..I mean preparer...
How was Interpol? dont freaking ask me. It was more like....so...Jen..did you have a nice relaxing day off on tuesday?
No. I worked for 7 hours. I worked feverishly as did all of my compadres to complete ...yet..the second sale set of the week..which...if you dont know...is very very involved. And in the meantime...I have in the back of my mind and seeping through my tear adled...(addled?) eyes a sneaking creeping darkness....
and i tried all day to swallow it. work. the dm visit. my aunt. my life. my car. Repeat that in that order about 1000 times in your head.
how do you feel?
I finally just left work..well. ok. yeah..my work was done...everything was under control...so I Let Myself Leave.
I was so freaking exhausted. and the slow thick fog of dread was at my heals...hissing and whispering.
Anxiety.
Its been Years since I fell into its grip quite like this. since i was 10 years old Ive battled it.....and for years Ive done well.
Do you know what the trick is? Just dont give in to it. Even if it means you are crying and shaking and cant breathe...Stay On Course.
Stay on your course. I was on the interstate..on my to the norva...accepting every negative thought...every worry and fear...I just relented.
so no rock and roll for me.
Its a moment i wont ever get back.
And if I can just..........listen.....listen to me...I have hung my head in shame for most of my life...feeling like I have to hide because Im so Hideous. but Im no more or less broken than anyone else I know...
the only difference being...is that I give up pretty easily. And Im pretty angry at myself for that.
anyway.
im ok. im fine. everything is ok. you know me.
Love and peace people
I pretend like no one else to try control myself
I'm subtle like a lion's cage
Such a cautious display
Remember take hold of your time here
Give some meanings to the means
To your end
Not even Jail.
