Red and Black
maybe the walls were closing in on him.
I got a call late late last night (this morning?) that my cousin F overdosed on 20 ambien and 26 xanax. What he didnt know...is that they counteract one another...and so he was walking around...literally...dieing on his feet. F has had a drug problem since ..god..forever. Apparently he was trying to get himself cleaned up and then his girlfriend broke up with him and bam..he raided my uncle's anti depression stash,his sister my cousin C, walked in while all of this was happening and called 911 etc. He is now on the mental ward.
Its not a happy place to wake up to. When I got up the next morning...I called a friend to come and get me...I had no shoes...no nothing...and I sprinted out of that place..in my stocking feet...in the rain...with a god blessed hospital band on my wrist.
F thought that he was going to leave this morning...no deal. He is going to be there a while. The psychiatrist talks to him the first time today...and given F's constant state of instability I doubt they will let him out anytime soon.
Im kind of hoping he opens up to the help and finds some comfort. No one can go see him....we cant even call him or send him cards or whatever.
Is this depression/suicide/mental angst in the blood? It seems to run in my family; that is why I think..if I ever want children...i should adopt them...I dont want to pass this mess on.
anyway...
Dear Rothko...did you run out of room? did your pain find its way clear to the center of your will?
Life is so fragile....Enjoy yourself..and those that you love. Exhaust your self....Use every gift..every ounce of who you are. Don't wait for the perfect moment. Create it and Be Happy.
Love and Peace
