I am: a breathing jigsaw paragraph

yeah. Im ok. Im just wiped out. emotionally. physically. I had a deep one on one with myself. I had to admit things to myself that I didn't want to think about.

as I look at the fruit.....or the lack thereof..that my tree has produced....I can only blame myself.

Ive never really blamed anyone else. I just blamed it on my "past". Or. "circumstances".

no. The barren-ness of my life...is totally due to my lack of faith.

faith in life. in joy. in peace. in god.

In Myself.

The self deprication. The begging and lying to protect myself or to gain favor.

All me.

Washed and covered with a new coat of paint? Is that what I am supposed to do with myself?

Take Time's misdemeanors and burn them in the fire of the hours that are catalogued so well in my mind?

what does any of this mean?

It means Im never quite sure. It means that I am buried so deep. Im so deep within myself.

I wish I could open up. I wish I could stop hiding or something.

I only know that....If ever given a chance to stand up for myself again....If ever asked if Im ok...If ever asked...did I hurt your feelings...Id be well to speak up..

either I do it. Or Im lost.

how can I begin to mean more to myself?

Aren't I allready pretty self centered??? LIke. Seriously.

Are these the only thoughts that I can give you?

Yes.

Have you read them before? Probably...:)

Im tired of this idea..that I am protecting people from my weaknesses...by distancing myself from them and by not trusting them....

wish for once I could just relax and trust somebody...

Its just something that Ive never really wanted to address ( i think...who knows I tell you everything)...

Im a puzzle. even to myself.

I hope everyone is well

Love and Peace

Jen the Jigsaw Paragraph