Im reading the Zaptista Reader

Im a little bit sleepless. which makes me a little bit cranky. which just adds to to the reasons for being sleepless to begin with.

1. Mom: she was denied her ss benefits which means she is going to show up at my doorstep in the next few weeks. I can't tell you how horrified that makes me.

2. C: just when I can't get you out of my mind i realize my life is falling apart. having had glimpses of how happy I could've been is making me sick. please tell me im being mellow-dramatic and immature. tell me im just a means of helping you deal with the absence of her so I don't worry about falling for you. All ive wanted to do today is call you. I want to call you now.

3. Money: Money is something I need to help my mother survive. money is something I need to be a better and/or more suitable life mate. Im working my ass off. and it doesn't matter. no. Ive not worked my ass off. ok ok. whatever. you know. Im just tired and now Im making no sense.

god forgive me for being ungrateful.

if that is what this is.

I can't sleep. I give up. I need someone to talk this all out with...

everyone be well

Peace