pale blue dot

1. same old ones---like i'm the dot that everyone sees...I'm waving to them...them..up in those colorful hot air balloons..so high up in the sky. yes I know. we create our own destinies. it's heartbreaking sometimes to me...to be a little dot. I forget until I look up and see you there....(it's nice of you to be polite)...maybe it's good...I tend to stay still when I should be treading this water.

2. I pray for god's help and sometimes I miss it. sometimes it is so subtle that when calamity comes I fail to see the safety net. sometimes I forget to say thank you before I freak out.

3. I really need a hug.

4. I wish I could hug you.

5. I'd pour you a glass of wine too.

6. And I don't really need to talk...I just need to hug.

Ok Im going to stop numbering things now. :)

I have a hard time comforting myself. When I've had a bad day....I immediately seek comfort. Today...I wanted to spend money but didn't...I wanted to eat myself silly but couldn't...then I wanted a beer...but had none.

Every attempt was thwarted by human contact. I talked to the really nice girl at the bookstore about the minutemen (a band..a good band)...she was great and even though I was feeling so angry about work...just the bit of conversation we had..made me feel better.

This solitary journey is getting so old. Tell me Lord. what do I have to do. it just seems impossible to me. that i would ever be a suitable mate. and what about my mom. what am i going to do about that? I have to take care of her. what do i do?

I'm not having a downer day necessarily. not really. I just don't fit now do i?

quiet. little dot me.

boo hoo.

Anyway. I hope everyone is well...

all my heart

love peace