somewhere...between the sacred silence and sleep..
on monday..i..the one handed will return to work. im very anxious..as in anxiety. i think it is absurd to feel this way...but there it is...i just have to get my groove...my bionic lukeskywalker hand groove. im sure fter that i will be fine. :)
i wish i had the patience to weave poetry for you. i have thoughts...so mny thoughts.. i wish i had somoeone to tell them to. i feel i am becoming a secret.
well that doesn't make sense does it.
a secret is something one is bound to hide for the sake of another. i have no such other unless i consider the other that exists in solitude. my space is filled with books. it smells like books. and even now. it is so quiet. my wrist throbs a bit. my thoughts turn. they turn to and they turn in.
i think of people. my family. i think of my dland folks. sometimes i think of floodtide alot. i think he needs to be thought of...prayed for...watched over right now. not that the rest of you don't need that...or that i don't think of you and pray for you...because you know otherwise.
i think of jl....he being someone im always convinced that i can heal. i let it out in small unintrusive doses...but mostly i just hope to myself that he is being taken care of.
even the most independent soul must have a strno arm to grab.
i think of roles i would have liked to play; 1. jesus 2. hamlet 3.lady macbeth 4. virginia woolf (go nicole kidman) 5.emily dickinson
the world spins my thoughts like nothing else for it feels much like being thirsty...with no clear choice of how to sate it.
when the thoughts become unavailed there is always music. today i listened to Rigiletto and Madame Butterfly. but i woke up singing Toxity bt soad again...i love that song. i love th power of his voice and the words. it is powerful for sure.
so i make this plea to the other..to be more vocal. to let out the imaginary protected.
i need canvases.
love and peace
