Ask
ask me..ask me for what you want...what do you want? I have a swirl of events happening around me. I have a cocophony of ideas splitting themselves like snake lightning inside of me.
what is it that I want? what will happen next? ask. ask. ask.
And all i could think of was a verse in pieces. And all I could think to ask for is to be able to hold my head up high...I only asked for joy.
I went to work this afternoon...I was having a fine start...riding the wave of hebrews 11 and the cathartic essence of my morning journaling. mean girl comes in like a swooping bat. And the fragile peace hut was a cinder.
I have watched people that lie,steal,cheat,and con rise to the top of the heap in my lifetime. Ive seen it over and over. I have chosen too many times to go limp as I am stepped over..and I think it is unfair. I think it is backwards.
Ask. what do you want? get what you want.
I look at all four sides of the box I live in.
my eyes,which were blind to my own existence,always drawn to the passersby,shift without missing beat,to the bullseye of my heart.
I have to get away from my family. Everywhere I go from here will feel foreign. It will be scary.
But I go with faith. Not faith that everything will be perfect. not faith that I will morph into a victoria's secret model with a 300 I.q. that can play piano.
although the latter...would be really really Deck.
But the faith that I have no idea what it is that I am capable of....so its worth this life Ive been given to try.
every construct has been carefully placed to provide protection. It is a knee jerk reaction to pain. And it is now my prison.
maybe prison is too cliche and dramatic.
but I think you know what I mean.
love and peace
"when you reach the top keep climbing"
-Zen Proverb
