its like you're waiting for Good dough

I wish I could go into detail..but I promised I wouldn't. even though none of you live here (i think) I still can't tell you.

My family has been shaken. someone innocent and lovely has been devistated (not any of my nieces) and It is unraveling very quickly. A marriage is over. Children are suffering and everything is out of control.

wish I could tell you. Just throw up good thoughts/prayers will you?

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Work= mental anguish

culpability=Im afraid Ive made it the hell it is because I refuse to bring grace and joy to a difficult situation.

Remedy= too late for that. Ive shown my true nature and there is nothing I can do about that. Im completely non-trusting. I mean Completely. And How Can Anyone...Have Any Kind of Faith in Me...when I demonstrate on a daily basis...that I have ZERO faith in them.

Lesson= Just because it is all falling apart doesn't mean I have to.

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Today this song played in my mind and made me cry....

All the happy couples on their way to New Orleans

Reminding me of when we got along

They're only renting time and space to fill up with their dreams

And dreams are what they'll have when they have gone

How could it be that I was born without a clue to carry on

And still it is the same now I am older

Armed with just a will and then this love for singing songs

And minding less and less if I am colder

But I have this funny ache and it's burning in my chest

And it spreads just like a fire inside my body

Is it something God left out in my spirit or my flesh

Would I be saved if I were brave and had a baby

It was never clear what would come but that's the risk and that's the test

And you were the only one so far to follow

And no one talks about when one might stop and need to rest

Or how long you sit alone before you stop looking back

It's like you're waiting for Godot

And then you pick your sorry ass up off the street and

Go...

And what the hell is this? Who made this bloody mess?

And someone always answers like a martyr

Is it something you should know, did you never do your best

Would you be saved if you were brave and just tried harder

So now I ride the ought one thirtyfive to New Orleans

I float a mile above life's toil and trouble

A thousand lonely lifetimes I still wait and then go on

A clown to entertain the happy couples

-Shawn Colvin If I were Brave

Love and peace to all