dear mr

I can't started out as I am afraid to.

that was the birth of it.

as a small means of dealing. I was afraid of. I had to protect them. and They were many different people. the one person..the one most important...

I can't Jen. Im sorry. But I can't/Im afraid to/Im angry.

I don't know. I just can't. can't ever get beyond a point. can't because I have to can't.

cannot. you will find real solace someplace else. not here. you will find bullshit. everyplace else. but not here.

frazzled everything. distorted and up to the minute of real. right here.

no. you don't need pictures of me. Im that worse case scenario. believe me.

in me. that is where every man wants to go. they want to wade deeply into me. only they want to dive as deep as they can afford. not even an inch.

I need it deeper boys. sorry.

I don't know. I just can't. I never win when I play board games because you see I give you all of my hotels. and I give you all of my money. and Im left with a railroad...

and well you know...I walk them...those tracks...

counting each step. because I don't know where Im going without going to someone. running away from someone. hiding from someone. running. walking. to. from. back. reverse. catch up. look behind you.

Ive left you with something. something you discredit. but alone. you hold onto it. like it glows for you.

but.

well. I don't know. I.just.can't.

cannot. will not. won't be. am Incapapble of....

handing you something you can find in your own mind.

Really. Im like that guy that laid down to die. tired of being a creature with a mind too deeply buried in an offensive exoskeleton.

Im afraid I see right through you.

yes. I can. not too hard at all.

I see.

Yes.

I want to hold my mother's hand. I want her to hold mine. I want her to pass onto me the Ideal. I want her to cover my face with paint made from the earth. and I want her to dance around the fire.

to pull from the earth. what every dead idea takes away.

oh my soul. oh my soul.

well I don't know. I do what I Can. I surprise myself with. that word. I.

I do.

and I believe that I am loved.

Ive felt that more in the past few days than I have all of my life.

you know who you are diarylanders.

I am going to say this one more time.

I can't. because the sufficient is not.

I can't. get past now.

I can't. unless it is really me you are trying to be with.

and I believe that I am loved.

Peace