rock on debacle,tito,and how my heart spills out all green and blue
Work started out ok...pretty groovy actually...TB and MB + coffee run= happy Jen :). The Greatest though?? My old pal Chris S. stopped by. I know him from the bookstore days last year. And I got one of those Hugs...You know the kind...the Im-going-to-hold-onto-you-forever kind of hugs...My Favorite..and I despite my platforms I still had to get up on my tippy toes...:) it was lovely..."do you remember how I spent my birthday last year (we went to see Godspell2002)? It was such a blast.." and it was...I let this gem of a man go because I was deeply in love with JL; JL and I weren't even dating yet. I could slap my head a thousand times. But. It all works out. Chris has a sweetheart of a fiance...she is so Wonderful!!!! Ive told you a zillion times...Im a hug Whore...they do me good.
Something odd worth noting....everytime I see one person from the Bookstore...I always see two more...it never fails...for after I saw Chris..I say PR and Miss Frieda...and yeah...I got two more Hugs...:)
I did manage to lose my cool with TB about thirty minutes before I was supposed to leave work....that was not Good at all. What a bitch I can be sometimes. I hope to goddess she forgives me....I can be really selfish and shortsighted...that is certain.
On my way home...I saw a woman trying to lift the hood of her SAAB...she was at the Nasa gate...holding her hood barely open and staring...like that robin...just mouth open..and looking....she seemed so eerily calm..so...comfortable in her place...I wondered what story there was...and who that man was trying to make his way across traffic to get to her.......they could be all stories in one.....every tale with prince and damsel and distress and heroism. But I wonder...who in the end...was saving whom.
"who is satisfied with simply what is good for us,when has the ordinary ever been news? And yet,because nothing else will do to keep me from melancholy ( call it blues) I fill this stolen time ...with thoughts of you...."
-Rita Dove
I feel like I "belong" to you when I know I don't. I feel like flirting is a crime against you when it isn't. I want you to find a woman made out of a dove's caring intentions and the elixir of dynamite....or better yet..Rocket Fuel. I want her to ride the flame with you....while she keeps you from turning to ash. I fill this stolen time..with thoughts of you. I keep holding it back. Holding it in. Because I don't want to hurt. I don't know Love without someone leaving. someone going. it is always so temporary. Anyway.
"why should it ever be satisfied, the mind? Changing every instant as the instant changes, it knows without knowing only by going it remains. However many thoughts we entertain, not all together can account for the world or the rootedness of this yearning to be satisfied...."
-Theodore Weiss
Peace and get some give some Hugs today
the perpetual cinder
