you are free of bias toward the familiar -carl dennis
what a beautiful waste to my quiet hours before working.
the word Talmud has been popping up in my thoughts the past few days. it even showed up in my dreams last night..which are a mish mash of images and sensations...unfortunately JL was there...and in the dream I missed him terribly...what is that all about? be gone from my subconscious you...you don't even talk to me anymore...anyway...in the bookstore yesterday I looked it up and of course the Learned among us would know it is the book of Jewish Laws. Im sort of curious now to read it and see why that was hovering around in my brain. It does fascinate me how...Jewish people always want to go to Israel despite the horrible violence there...I can't help but wonder about such avid love and devotion...or what ever it is.
and then there was sex...
Dan Savage's Advice to the Breeders today:
Eat and Drink After Sex...Not Before.
ok. Ill put that on a piece of paper and place it in my hopeless chest. He is right though...after eating and drinking you just wanna sleep anyway.
Im sort of worried that the longer I go without sex...the worse I will become at it...every girl and boy needs a bag of tricks right? my bag looks outdated and dusty..but hardly a serious matter...there are more pressing things going on in my life.
my mom. my sister. my self esteem. my ever emerging dark angry side. my next few steps into 'Jendom--the Future' and my long hair. I need to be working out. working it all out. my body my mind my life. I wanted to email floodtide today and ask him how in the hell he maintains such a great long lasting relationship. Ive had relationships last years...but they were Horrid years. What is it? How do I do it? Blah. i had too much coffee this morning. way too much.
today Im a living pollock.
the next painting im going to work on is something about how I feel like I have no control over my thoughts and feelings...something like radar..something like inside out..we'll see. it may or may not turn out right. well..there is no Right it will simply turn out To Be what It Is.
I have my camera I told you that but still no card and stuff to download it to my computer. but soon. i swear. ooo now..back up..I know you are on the edge of your seats :)
bye now. Caffeine induced Rambling all Over with.
Love and Peace
