Mother Words Like Knives are spears of nerf and metal
Im sucking as a human being lately. Ive about had it at work. Ive applied for a job with Peta. Im sort of conflicted..because..they are sort of nutty anymore...they throw animal blood on people I dont see how thats a statement for animal rights..but..I dont know...we shall see what happens.
I need money. I need alot of money. my mother is going to need me to support her sooner than later. She keeps saying that Im single therefore I have no reason not to support her and move in with her etc. My mom has sort of lost it. She is sort of delusional right now. And she just refuses to work. She believes my father should be supporting her since she didnt work for 23 years etc etc etc. I have to tell you. Im terrified. I am not joking when I say that she sends me over my edge. I have a fragile frame when she is around. Money would help me keep her at a distance that I can handle. but. How am I going to do it? I have no freaking clue.
thats what I get for calling her on sunday.
she says Im too old now for dreaming. she says that ive had my chance at a life and I blew it. she says Ill never have a relationship because Im not "designed" for one. god If you only knew mom I make just enough money to take care of me. Its not my fault you dont have a job. Its not my fault you squandered the money you did have. its not my fault that your life has sucked and that you are now in a panic.
My sister and my brother J are helping her right now with her bills. And they are furious with me. I paid her bills years ago. And I never once sought to put the burden on anyone. I think they can handle it. I swear to god. this whole thing just scares me to death. I feel like a horrible person. Ive never known my mom to be able to stand up on her own legs.
I dont want to live such a death as she is living.
Ive yawned and teared up so onward to read something and listen to something which only leave me longing....
I love all of you
Peace
