gasp the well...gasp the bucket is life...what it is therein...is something only your hunger can name...

Me=filling my body with lots of food and coffee in preparation for said madness

Change must be thrust upon me. I need safety. I need that over Everything. It is my highest priority. I need to know everything is in place...so when the metaphoric thunder belts my gut I know I can handle it. You'd think I'd spent my life being taught to prepare for the worst...hmmm;)...All of the upheaval ( my word for the week) is forcing me to put some speed...burn some tread...Move. Move. Move. Out of My Funk.

I make no promises...but You know what I mean....I can't have my life swalloed up by a clothing store. My infinite god....no way. I would like to have a life..that involves all of my family...on some scale...I would like to have a life Involved with helping people. I would like to have My Spot on the universal map.

Ive never been ambitious in my entire life. Ive been competitive for roles in plays...oh yeah...if I wanted a part or wanted to be onstage...move over...I always seemed to get what I wanted. But. never over anything else. That means. Ive never worked really hard for anything. Doesn't it? oh that sucks. That's frightfully embarrassing.

Deep in my heart...I want to start alot of charities..and I want to speak out against the oppression going on in this country...that is really where my heart is...I want to spread the word.

Power to me....is solving the problems. Empowering others to do thier best...to Reach their fullest potential...to see them help others..to wipe out homelessness. To support those taking care of their aging parents or grand parents and the like... But You know...I don't know how to do any of that...and all I ever do is Freaking Preach...and preaching doesn't matter a damn (huhh)...Ive been focusing alot on how to help my sister and my mom...and I made a list today of people I'm trying to figure a way to raise money for....but other than that...Im just a manic street preacher.....because I lack ambition. Because my fire is out. Im starting to feel myself recoil....I don't know...I need an awful lot of attention lately...I need an awful lot of love and something lately....it is too much to ask for...

I think Im going about this all wrong...all wrong...I've said that before...and Im starting to feel empty. tapped out. I don't know how to Solve The Problems. Mercy. Mercy....the world needs to understand you.

maybe Im just co-dependent on a universal scale ;)

maybe Im so wrapped up in myself Im just damn (huhh) stupid. oh. you know. I just need a really long hug and good make out session...and a little praying more often wouldn't hurt...I ask god to reach where I can't...and maybe that too is self serving...Im only one person...and the world is so big...so so big...Power to Me is Solving The Problems....

I don't know how. I don't know how to just live my life and not think about the world around me. I don't know how to loosen up and have fun and not give a damn (huhh). I don't know a freaking thing.

Im not ambitious. Im not hungry enough for life.

Life is the great well from which all beauty and darkness awaits our every touch and grab; our every bargain to attain it...

drink

drink

drink

don't walk by...don't let it become past

Love to him way out there sleeping on his keyboard

Peace to all

the lilting flower petal Jen