food 911

too much leg

too much of this and that

hunger easily turns to fill

Ill miss my breasts when they disappear

right now they are big...well...really just

bigger than they are when I decide to go cold turkey.

You dont know how tempting it is. LIke its the answer to all of my problems. starv exercise. starv.exercise.just long enough. to lose 50 lbs. then I will be a cool 120. its all in the numbers. the numbers. Ive been reading a friend's diary. and listening to her call herself fat. and Ive seen her picture. and she isnt. I worry. I worry a great bit for her. because she is driven and meek and particularly hard on herself. She's lovely. I understand though....I know the mindset...the numbers. the adding the dividing. and the presentation. the applause you get. its a huge Ego booster. ego does us no good. Ive said it before and Ill say it again...Self Esteem is purely an indulgence for "advanced" societies. If the Only food we ever had in a day was rice and water from a well (ick) then we would probably be focusing on other things...like building huts or roads or something...anyway....I have lots of reasons to lose the extra poundage..but the most relavent being...I just want to feel better and be less self conscious.

Im the weight of the world...

"there is always heaviness between us,Nameless,raised from the void, that counts out the sprun hours. What ash has it come to purify? What disappearance, like water,does it lift up to the clouds"-cw

I dont know. I just really really like Charles Wright.

sometimes I wonder how real and open i am.

Peace