The Human That Killed One Thousand Ants
Yesterday, I was completely unable to handle Anything. Any conversation. Any customer. Any object. Anything.
It all started with a sweet employee telling me how she's been accepted to do her graduate work in new york city at the Parson's school of design. I immediately started to hold back a floodgate of tears. I am so Not Kidding.
I tried to digest my reaction for the next five hours but I couldnt. and I had a sad realization: I felt completely uncomfortable around her the rest of the day because I am jealous of everything that she has. I didnt really snap out of it until other people showed up for work...other people...like me: i.e.--Uneducated (i never finished) and wandering. It was a horrible thing to learn about myself.
When colleen asked me where I see myself in 10 years....and I saw nothing...I meant it. And that is breaking my heart.
But the Universe wasn't done yet: There's been this lady coming in since the weekend...just about everyday. She's from Massachusettes. She called me Stupid. Now. Normally...I step back...and blow it off. In my line of work...people curse you out..grab you...bully you...all the time. But. I really was having a hard time explaining her transaction to her ( a return/exchange thing w/ a coupon blah blah blah)...I was having trouble articulating exactly what I was trying to show her. So she said, "what are you? Stupid?"
I wanted to look at her and say. Yes. Ive been stupid most of my life. Im a pretty dumb person. Instead. tears. and a yes maam and Im sorry.
It was home to food. because there was nothing else there to make me feel better.
Today
A nice hot humid sunny day off. A day for peace and quiet. I take chances in the heat driving my car. But since my Computer Crashed. I couldnt download any music. And today was all about coldplay and sleater kinney. so as I sat in traffic to get somewhere only eight minutes away...I notice the smell...the shaking...the temp gauge needle reading Hot...Hotter...Hottest OH My God Pull Over.
So. I have to find a way to get moving. so Instead of taking a nice leisurely ride. I have to keep the car moving which means driving for about 35 minutes out of my way.
just to get to the circuit city.
because its tuesday. and the new releases are cheap.
After a very hot ride home (just so you know...if you think your car may over heat...turn on the Heat...and when idle..put the car in park..it helps) I managed to make it home...
to an alien invasion...
I battled an onslaught of ants...ran like a madwoman searching for the bugspray...grabbed my dog's water bowl...moved ever so quickly to get the bowl to the sink...and fell down...I flew up into the air...doggie water Everywhere...me..bouncing on my big butt on the kitchen floor...manic dieing Ants all around me....my dog looking on...with those lovely eyes saying,"bitch where is my water?"
I have to say..that I couldnt help but laugh. there I was. shaken from driving in 90 degree heat with my heat on full blast....drenched in doggie water...The Human that Killed One Thousand Ants.
I have to face the masses tomorrow. I also have to face my series of many tomorrows to come.
Here is to the rest of karma collection days ahead...
Love and Peace
Jen
