Deposit

no adventures today. physical therapy was challenging....my ability to Pinch..like with my thumb is seriously limited...but you know I'm ok.

today wasn't my best day. i wasn't generous. not of spirit not of mind not of wallette (god almighty I can't Spell!). no. today was an internal get out of my way lay off me no bullshit kind of day. c asked me to buy her lunch....just like out of the blue...I said no. and I was irritated by it. she is a 42 year old woman with a husband etc...I was just...eh..I just suck today.

today i wasn't nice. I was a steamroller. i got a bunch of work done though and i suppose that is worth something right?

i feel sad. have you ever had one of those days when you feel invisible? i guess my-woe-is-me-ness is bullshit really..I know how blessed I am..it's not that I am ungrateful.

i think i'm having one of those days where you need someone anyone to relate to you. someone that listens to the same music. reads the same books or something. i don't know. not a carbon copy just someone that ....

i'm boo-hooing. i just had a realization. and i'm going to share it even though it embarrasses me. i've always gravitated towards really outgoing people. through them i meet other people. hence..a social circle is born. since the breakdown of some of these circles...i am now on my own to get out and meet people.

and apparently i suck at it. i'm sure there are people i could hang out with around here ..even though this is a backwards town...

ahhh bugger..i'vejust outgrown this place. im outgrowing my skin. washing every ounce of yesterday out of my imagine future....and taking stock of every detail of who i have created myself into.

somewhere underneath all the anxiety and tension and emotion lies a truly creative Active person.

i just live my life right now. but i would hardly say i am truly good or truly a blessing to the world. or maybe i am and i just don't know it. i hope so.

i am quiet. intense. naive. if i saw me on a shelf in my current life state...i'd pass.

so anyway.

i believe in love. in peace. in hope. in friendship. in all things coming back to one. in angels. in demons. in the holy spirit and the devil himself.

i believe. i believe.

I Believe.

Peace