5 minutes til curtain....
There was a nice elderly fellow there that had had a stroke...he suffered paralysis on the left side of his body and he also had some brain damage. When he extended his hand to me...I thought it was just for a kind handshake...no...he took my hand and his kissed it. It was one of the sweetest most heartbraking thing I'd ever witnessed.
I'd like to kill my self consciousness.
Work today felt....I felt...like a disapointment. Justin was telling me today about how the president of his cafe came by to tell him what a great job he was doing managing there. Justin is fantastic at his job and his staff are super. I can't imagine having that much success. My dm is pretty rough...and he felt like calling today to make me feel even worse. Seeing as this is my first week back in the trenches....I expected myself to just bounce into place...but...I'm still slow. And it's embarassing the hell out of me. What does it mean to be good at a job that I dislike??? doing a good job is at the core of it...I want to do well.
sometimes I think my need for praise is just my need...to hear an audience clap..or laugh or cry...you have never lived until you make that kind of a connection...it's a high like no other.
anyway...thanks for all of your support dear readers...You are wonderful people...
and now a word from Rainer Rilke
8
You see, I want a lot.
Perhaps I want everything:
the darkness that comes with every infinite fall and the shivering blaze of every step up.
So many live on and want nothing, and are raised to the rank of prince by the slippery ease of their light judgements.
But what you love to see are faces that do work and feel thirst.
You love most of all those who need you as they need a crowbar or a hoe.
You have not grown old, and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out its own secret.
-r.m.r
Peace
