Die trying or Live Wishing
Today I watched a documentary called 7th Street..made by Josh Pias. The street he refers to is the 7th street in New York City...The East Village. What started out as ghetto has fallen victim to gentrification. Lovely people that had lived there for decades ended up in the street..starving and dieing....this was only 2 years ago. One thousand miles of Indifference.
Humanity has run circles around itself. One million years are not enough. We are still primal and indifferent.
Forgive me if my train of thought..runs away and back again.
Is it existential angst that binds me to asking..why. why. why. Why are we here if we cannot grow. Basic Needs seem to be the hardest to have. There is so much inequity. Some people believe in saviors. I want to know why We cannot Ever pull together. How is it that the suffering grows and the heart does not. The Mind. The Mind seems never to avail itself beyond its simple demonstration of Ideas.
I don't understand. I vascilate. If I apply what I've learned through Buddhism....that good/bad are one thing. Joy/Sorrow...are one thing....then I can accept this limitation humanity has. But sometimes I wonder if Massive Change is on the horizon and that is what Im sensing...that perhaps it is possible to end the cycle of oppression.
I ask you. Can one person change the world? I really doubt it. But could we all change the world. Yes. I think all of us could.
If all of us...if there was some way...to make sure that the sick were made well..that the naked were clothed...that the lonely were cared for....would we choose that? What would it cost us? What is it worth to me? What is it worth to me? My ....Security? Security being an illusion of course. But. Im a hider. An Introvert.
I don't know how to go about it all. I once told JL that it didn't matter if he became a minister or sold records in his own recordstore. His agility with people...the grace he demonstrates and the willingness he has to end thier suffering...would transcend his social position. I don't think Im the type of person that can transcend my position.
Nothing Im doing in my life,save sending money every now and then to organizations that I believe in,is amounting to much in the world. I have built a sturdy warehouse...and I live in it. mentally,spiritually,emotionally.
My heart is perpetually confused. Always torn between giving it all away and storing it for fear of nothing being left.
I watched About Schmidt today. It was so much more lyrical than I am.
I suppose the only solution is to die trying or live wishing.
I don't know where I fit in the world...and I want to fit....
I want to speak in my language...dance my dances...
Everyone be well
Peace
