brush away the cobwebs of the sky
that said...
today I dug through the family section in the bookstore. something erupted. I have been trying to figure out what to do for the children in my life. how to be better for them. And I found myself wanting..Needing to grab every book that was there. omg. I was thinking to myself. I don't know anything.
Raising a child isn't just about providing for them and that..that alone is frightening enough. But guiding them..giving them structure and something solid to stand on..is..it's harder to do from a distance.On the subject of my siblings and their parenting skills; I had hoped we would wipe out the problems passed down to us. maybe we have. maybe we have just created new ones. my niece is having "growing pains" all throughout her body now...she says constantly..."Im in pain...I always hurt..and mind is just melting"..sigh..
so after skimming about 5 books..ranging in topic from Encouraging Parenting to ADD...I settled for Steven Pinker's The Blank Slate (which goes well with Radiohead) and The Wonder of Girls by Michael Gurian.
I am probably going to go back and do some research on children with learning disabilities and the like. My brother says she has been tested and everything came out ok. But. due to the fact that her mother sometimes doesn't "feeel" like taking her to school she has had problems developing. She even said once that she thinks she is stupid. And Trust me. She isn't! She is so creative and Brilliant.
Im just her aunt. am I going nuts here? honestly. am I crazy for worrying about her so much. she asked me where the planets came from the other night. She loves discovery channel...we ended up pouring over my Carl Sagan books. my god I love these children and all of them...all Seven of them...are having alot of hard times. What is really fascinating is the creative nature of most of them. I say that selfishly. because. I understand that thought process.Who they will be in the future,so rapidly approaching,may be completely foriegn to me.
I see my bro J do something..sort of imposing his nature onto his step son D(who is bi-polar). D is smart. I mean like genius smart. He can draw. He loves to read. He loves to study and write. my bro was a rough and tumble kind of boy...always outside..always covered in dirt..D is not like that at all. And they go at it..because J doesn't understand why any little boy would want to sit under a tree and sketch.
I could go on. I just have tons of questions. I don't know how it is done. And I want to be a positive force for them. of course. Im far away from most of them. which sucks.
it really sucks.
maybe it is just my mommy-ness coming out. I think they are the only children I will ever be close to. although I have been thinking of teaching art to little children lately...I don't have to be Rembrandt to nurture thier creative side.
Sounds like a bit of fun to me. I know kids can get unruly. so. I don't know.
I keep changing and the world keeps moving.
we will see dear readers.:).
Im taking a train to someplace-elseville....bring your red red heart...and your blue blue dreams...orange we will make the tracks...
peace
