It took a while to get me here..and Im gonna take my tiiime...e-v-e

the flirt and run for your life infirmity. there was the guy at the bookstore...who in my mind, I had designed into the love of my life in a matter of minutes. I see ahead..into the not yet distant future to realize "this will fall apart...he is going to leave me.." or some such scenario and Boom...i now hide between bookshelves...and he is Tall..its hard to do that.

Why couldn't I ask him out? Or even give him the chance to ask me out?

blah. I think Im a boring mess anyway...(there inlies the key).

On the Verge. always. Im on the Verge.

I know what causes my "condition" and it is just me and my lack of joy with my own life.

I want something good to sell. I want to be the best most amazingly powerful and dynamic woman in the Universe. But. you know. Im a type B...and I guess I will get around to that Eventually. And that type of thing probably involves being one of those socaily adaptable people...hmmm..well..I make good gazpacho. :)

"tell me you are having fun at least"

Tell me you are going to find the magic her and let her love you. It was good to hear your voice.

Magic 8 ball tell me what direction to take. I have on my desk...the info from a massage therapy school in NYC. I can tell you right now...I am not urban..I am poor..and I would be really lost for a while. But. This school seems Really Serious about the clinical and psychological end of massage. which is what I want to learn. There are alot of schools offering courses in massage therapy now....that doesn't mean they are the Best. And ..I don't know. A local place has just opened up and I should give them a look see as well. A Marvellous school in Ashland NC is on the list of prospects too. Its like the complete Antithesis of NY>..totally rural. Lovely place.

I have relatives in NY. I know I could always go and talk to my Aunt ginger...she would be a great pal to have and she could use the distraction seeing as she is taking care of her Father that has Alzheimer's. They live in Astoria Queens. Nice people. My uncle Artie is the coolest.

Off The Subject:

Paul Mitchell Mousse is the most amazing stuff. Its like freaking super glue for your curls. oy!

Love to:

exhaust because it is all I can do and I want to do more