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There is a problem with my inner ear. I feel completely wobbly. I think it is just my inner fear of the coming days physically manifesting it self. I will be ok. Next Weekend. I will be working Friday,Saturday,and Sunday...from open to close..which is a combined 36 hours. I knew this was coming. I could see it in the foreground. Im just not looking forward to it.

I shouldn't whine. 200 HandyRide (trt buses for the handicapped)drivers are being fired so the city can use a contractor instead. It will save the city 122 million dollars (?how?)...I have a job..It is God Awful...but it is work...and as long as I'm working...I have peace and hope. You know what? Some of those people have been with the city for Decades. I can imagine..that their hearts are being ripped out...as Im sure they are close to the folks they have been picking up for years.

I am going to get me one of those handy Headhunters like sweet idiot-milk was talking about. I need to be in school and I was Supposed to be Starting In July...but the program (massage therapy) is not opening. bah.

I need a hug. Everyone needs one...don't you need one? Yeah I thought so...

On the Mom News Front:

She is actually doing alright. She doesn't seem to be too upset about selling alot of nanna's things to help her with moving costs. I feel sick of course..thinking of my Nanna's precious things being doled out to someone completely unaware of the stories behind them.

"these precious things...let them bleed...let them wash away..." Tori Amos

I keep forgetting that Nanna wasn't the nicest Mother. In Fact..she was very very cruel. So...Maybe..I should just leave that to my Mom...and besides...I can't afford to move her. I just don't have the money. Hell. If I did...I'd be moving myself. Anyway..she has some friends up there..(that hate my living guts for not being in ny right now)and they are making sure she is fed and taken care of. Thank God. Literally.

I need more money. what am I doing to get more? nada.

bleh. Verb-less...I am Verb-less in my life.

Im sloughing off my work day. I feel quite buried. So Im off to wash up...change my clothes and Read Something and Listen to Something...

something to heal me...

:)

Peace